A Little Chaos Never Killed Anyone…

But I might be the first one to end up as its homicide victim.  The OCD in me is fraught with anxiety over the chaos in my life.  What, you might ask, is the cause? Well, it is an indirect result of something, or should I say someone, that is sweet and innocent, but throwing a wrench in my wheels nonetheless.  Readers, I’d like to personally introduce Miss Landrie Lou.

She is not a bad baby, she is simply baby!  I have the heavenly pleasure of waking up with her in the dark, still hours of each night, sometimes 2 or 3 times.  I am daily blessed to cradle her in my arms and stare lovingly into her dreamy eyes.  She is entrusted into my care and so I bathe, feed, burp, change and play with her.  While out running errands, there are moments I have no alternative but to take a time out from what I am doing to tend to her immediate needs.  A baby takes effort, and great care and that brings me to the answer of WHY I am living in chaos…

The house is an ABSOLUTE disaster.  There have recently been days that I run out of milk, yet I knew it was getting low, and so my children were forced to eat dry cereal in the morning.   The piles of laundry sit divided, but unwashed on the laundry room floor.  My bed has not been made in 2 days.  In fact, none of the beds in our home have been made for 2 days.   Phone calls are going unreturned and emails remain unopened. The dishwasher hasn’t been unloaded and the sink is piled high with dishes.  And the list goes on, and on, and on. I am just not getting things accomplished like I used to.

Those who know me would be astonished to see my home in such condition.  I am a perfectionist.  I thrive on organization.  I get excited to wipe things down with disinfectant wipes.  I love having laundry finished and put away so that dressers are brimming full of folded clothing, making it almost impossible to shut the drawers.  I like my bathrooms to smell like Clorox.  I love plumped up sofa cushions and rooms with everything in perfect place.  Vacuum marks thrill me!   Sadly, My home has none of these qualities at the moment.

This morning, as I sat there rocking my baby, my esteem shriveled inside as I beheld the chaos around me.  It was then that I took a good, hard look at what has been filling my time, besides tending to my bundle of joy.  Let’s see – Yesterday, I went to the Children’s Museum with my son and bought him a book in the gift store.  I diligently helped my daughter with her demanding homework.  I read a book to my kids.  Today was half day at school, so I took the kids out to lunch and then to the park with friends.  It hasn’t been much, but these things were difficult to do while caring for a baby.  I don’t list these things for praise, or for you to tell me, “Wow, that’s more than enough to be doing, especially with a newborn”.  I tell you about these things because I realized my children, without prodding, have genuinely thanked me for these things.  These things matter to them!  So, I now look at what was killing me inside this morning and realize it is chaos, beautiful chaos because I have let it go for something much more valuable.